Hmmm....

This was a strange weekend. Since Katy died, my parents world seems to be frozen.
Easter is now going to be remembered as the time Katy died.
We already remember my grandfathers death on Christmas Eve, and two grandmothers on New Year's following that same Christmas. (1999-2000)
I personally remember every mother's day as the day after my best friend was killed by a drunk driver. It is getting easier to associate joy with that day, but I still think of Lori, and her tragic demise.
Years before, we lost my mothers dad just after July 4th.

The subject came up that our relatives always find a holiday to die on. Doesn't seem so random when deaths occur on holidays. Perhaps the very term: HOLI-DAY should give light to our eyes, should make us smile, should give us strength in the times our sorrow.

I did not cry for Katy, not that I don't miss her, but I was happy for her. She went to meet her Savior on the day we remember His death. What better day, than Good Friday to meet the One who died in your place.
We tend to focus on the things we should have done. Things we should have said. Times we should have shared. We feel grief, not for the loss, but for our own behavior toward the deceased. We sit in silence. No tears.
Are we numb to death? Are we silent for reverence sake? Are we afraid of our own mortality?

I do not understand any longer, the need for quiet reflection. You either loved the person while he/she was here, or you didn't. Loving someone is evident in your actions toward them. Taking time out for them. Listening to them. Spending time, just being with them.

I think we often take others for granted in this world. We go about our busy lives in pursuit of our own happiness, neglecting those most important to us. When those people are dead, or have otherwise disassociated with us, we grieve. We grieve our own ignorance. We grieve the loss of our perception of our loved one.

Did I really know Katy? Did I know her like her husband, like her children knew her?
The answer is No.
I didn't know Katy like I should have. I didn't take time to go see her while she was in the hospital. I didn't go see her when she was well. I didn't go see her when she was at my mother's house. I did not take time for Katy. Therefore, I cannot truly grieve for her. I cannot grieve the loss, because I set myself up to have nothing to lose.
I have not lost a friend, a mother, a lover. I have lost an aunt that was once very dear to my heart. Once a close companion. A friend. I was once a frequent guest in her house.
Once.

All that being said, I know that time is important. You never have as much time here as you think you'll have. Ask Lori. Ask Katy. Ask Grandpa, and the many others that have died before them.

You can only be sure of one thing. And you can only be sure of that one thing if you have known Christ. And you can only know Christ if you have met Him and followed Him. And you can only follow Him if He has called you. And He has called all of us. If you breathe, He has called you.

So, the one thing I can be sure of is this: I have been called by Christ, and have followed Him, therefore, I will go meet Him in paradise when my soul leaves this earth.

Bodies are of this world, and we should not become attatched to them as we do. They are temporal, merely vessels we bide in for the time on earth. They will perish away, our souls cannot die.

May the God of Wonders be your Savior today.
God bless.